At around 7:15 I got this text from my friend Maya: would you be super mad if I dated Brian?
Brian, who I have loved and crushed on for so long (and who will never return my feelings), Brian who makes me laugh, who makes me cry, who is the only person who can simultaneously make me laugh while I'm crying on the inside.
Brian, who Maya now wants to date. Maybe, if I wasn't heartbroken over him I'd be fine with it. Maybe, if Maya hadn't said, "I DON'T--AND WILL NEVER--LIKE BRIAN THAT WAY!" and then changed her mind fifty billion times.
I really wanted to write back: why, yes, Maya, I would be very mad. Superbly, completely, entirely, irreversibly mad. Does that answer your question?
Instead, I gave a stupid, I'm-too-nice-to-tell-the-truth answer: It would make me feel heartbroken.
Heartbroken! HEARTBROKEN! Like it even matters? Let's face the truth, my heart will be more than broken if Brian chooses her over me. I was actually becoming accustomed to the idea of just being friends with him. I could have made it work.
But now...this changes everything. Those little, unimportant nine words on their own don't mean anything. But put those together and you get a recipe for my worst nightmare.
The worst thing is, Brian has been drooling (it's true) over her since he pretty much first met her. I can't imagine facing Brian and acting like everything's fine. Brian tries to be a nice guy, but I know, inside, that if he were faced with a choice of stay girlfriend-less or date Maya, he'd go to her.
Also, I know, that if it came down to me as his best friend or Maya as his girlfriend, as my dad says, Brian would choose Maya.
He's right. And why wouldn't he be?
I guess my pathetic, idiotic, broken heart just wants to deny, deny, deny.
Wouldn't be the first time.
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