I've Never Felt So Alone

There are some days that I wish had a do-over button. For instance, tonight. After the wickedly-hurtful/wickedly-awkward dinner conversation:

Sam: Good salad. Nice, light, healthy meal.
Mom: Mm.
Emily: (makes snarky comment)
Mom: So, Em, when are you going to stop being mad at me?
Sam: I think Em thought YOU were mad at HER!
Mom: Oh.
*Conversation automatically drifts to my best friend Brian*

Mom: So, is Brian always that lazy? That...disinterested?
Me: No! You just don't know him well enough yet. He's really a great guy, I promise--
Mom: Yeah, and he sat at dinner for, like, four minutes and then up and left.
Me: NO! I gave him a choice. Besides, he was sick, and I didn't want him getting sick germs all over you guys!
Mom: Well, he seemed pretty rude to me.
Me (head in hands): He's really a nice guy...
Mom: On the bright side, your social skills in comparison to his are outstanding!
Emily: Isn't that kind of a backhanded compliment?
Mom: Know what? I'm done. DONE. I'm going out to the kitchen where I won't bother you.
Me: But it WAS a back-handed compliment!
Dad: Katie, stop it. Just eat your dinner. (Translation: stuff food in your mouth and shut up.)
Me: I'm not doing anything!!
Dad: Don't you raise your voice with me, missy!!
Me: I'm not--
Dad: EAT YOUR DINNER.
Me (staring at dinner plate): Unh.
Me: Okay, I can't do this. (Gets up and leaves)
Dad: GET BACK HERE, RIGHT NOW!! DON'T DO THIS, KATIE!!

And so on and so forth...I feel like such a terrible, terrible, terrible person. It's like I can't stop shooting my fucking mouth off! Sam at one point was like, "Well, she did birth you," and when I said, "Sometimes I wish she hadn't" I meant it.

I feel like everyone would have been so much better off if I'd never been born. No lying, no stubbornness, no smart-alecking, no backtalk, no rudeness, no mean comments...

My family would have been so much happier. Is it too late to just die? Make the world a better place?

I'm sorry, guys. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.