Empty

I'm done. I'M DONE. I know I should have done my work, I know I could have put more effort in--I get it! But for the love of God, leave me alone! I think I was so happy and so on Cloud 9 about having so many friends that the oblivion of it all made me forget the studious, great-grades part of me that has always been inside.


And because of that, I'm not getting into college. Because of that, I've screwed myself over tenfold. Funny thing is, it isn't funny. I hate myself for doing this. I hate myself for putting my own happiness first instead of putting the importance of good grades before...I'm a terrible, terrible, terrible student.


And in English? B!! A fucking B! That's never happened to me before! I've always gotten AT LEAST an A!! Why?! Why now?!


It doesn't make any sense! Or maybe I'm blaming all my anger on everyone else because I'm too ashamed and guilt-ridden to admit my mistakes. Oh, who am I kidding? My 'mistakes?' I think a part of me all along knew exactly what I was doing, but didn't care.


And look how that worked out! Jesus...when am I going to stop doing this?!