But I dreamed about you last night. Yep, it's awkward for me, too. I've had quite enough of trauma with you in person and over the phone that it really sucked when you showed up in my nightmare last night.
It went something like this:
Setting: a deserted, shadow-covered alleyway; graffiti (insulting ME, thank you very much!) splashed over Dumpsters, coloring rotting brick walls, gracing the old pavement. A huge chandelier hangs suspended overhead (I don't know why! I'm not a therapist!! You want to know, do the research!) I'm walking through it, calling out your name.
Me: Briaaaaaaaaaaaan! Briaaaaaaaaaaaan! BRIAN! Get your ASS over here!!
You: Yeah? (lounging on top of a Dumpster, a spork dangling out of your left hand) What's wrong, Katie?
Me (incredulously): What's wrong? What's WRONG?! I've been looking all over for you! Where the hell did you go off to?
You: Calm down already! I went to go get the Special Edition Pacific Rim. They were selling out and I had to have it. Obviously.
Me (indignantly): Well, excuse me for caring about your safety over your movie tastes! Why would I ever have thought you were in danger? Oh, silly me! I should have known all along that you were just putting yourself first, going off to do who-knows-what and not tell anybody about it so that at LEAST we knew--
You (stepping nearer): Yeesh. It's time's like these when I wish you'd just turn into Maya. Maya never got on my case like this--
Me: Well, that's lovely, jackass! Why don't you go ride off into the sunset with your precious Maya and then leave me alone? I'm sure she'll be very sympathetic when you go and get yourself killed and don't tell ANYONE where you went off to!
You: Would you just stop with this whole 'you're gonna get killed' stuff? It's getting on my nerves. I'm not gonna die, God!
Me: Okay, fine. Go ahead. Go be Prince Charming and you guys have fun. Don't come running back when she's broken your heart.
You (shocked): You're so mean, Katie! What, you think MAYA'S going to break my heart? Of course not! She's the sweetest, prettiest, most amazing--
Me: UGHHHH! Shut up already! If it wasn't already bad enough I'm getting in trouble because I value your safety now I have to hear about your goddamn obsession with her.
You: You're jealous, aren't you?
Me (scoffing): Me? Jealous?! Never! I simply know what'll happen--I've seen it before--and I don't want to be here when you get your heart broken. Maybe not today, maybe not this week, maybe not this month. But sooner or later she's going to hurt you deeply, and you'll get upset with me because I didn't try hard enough to warn you away. (Pausing) But funny thing, Brian: I'm starting to not care anymore. If you don't care enough about your own emotional stability to heed what I'm saying, fine. But don't expect me to sympathize with you when she stabs your heart clean in half.
You: She won't. She'd never do that!
Me: Fine, then. It's your decision; I can't MAKE you do anything. I just hope Flop Junior is relationship-savvy enough to coax you through when it happens. (Puts hands up) Go on, then, Brian. No one's stopping you from leaving.
You (hesitating): Look, maybe I--
Me: It's okay, Brian. I know. I got on your case and you want to be left alone. That's why I'm leaving.
You: Wait! You're...leaving? Why?!
Me: Because you can't have a happy-ever-after with me here, can you, silly?
You: No, that's not...that's not it.
Me: Isn't it? It is, hon. But no worries, I'm sure Maya will fix everything for you. (Waves goodbye) Have fun!!
I disappear and Brian is standing there in the alleyway, alone. The dim light bulbs hanging from the rotting street lights start to go out one-by-one, and a few seconds pass before the last one finally blinks out, encasing the street in darkness.
ARGHH! What've you done?!
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