Here's to all those boys out there who have to go and do THAT.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside and mess you up."--Neil Gaiman

 

Love is a complicated thing. So complicated, in fact, that you very slowly feel like you are dying, perhaps inside, while outwards your body is quickly dissolving.

 

Maybe this is why a long time ago I said to myself, "You are never, ever, ever going to get married. No falling in love. No liking boys. No liking girls. No liking any person as more than a friend. No, no, no, NO. It will destroy you!"

 

Funny how that didn't much solve the issue now, did it? Maybe back then I was so foolish that I thought telling myself not to like anyone as more than a friend would actually stop it from happening.

 

Oh, how utterly delusional I was. And apparently, still am. I don't remember much about how it happened, but now...?

 

I think the first time I realized just how much I liked him was the beginning of last year, when I walked into first-period physics and saw Him sitting there. No, not God. Him--as in, that guy that knows you so well he's just...he just deserves a Capital H.

 

I dumped my stuff down next to my desk and took off my hoodie, searching the room for our teacher. "Where's--?" I began, getting cut off by Brian's:

 

"I ate him."

 

I looked over at him and blinked. "Um...what did you just say?"

 

He smirked, like he was so terribly happy to be able to explain this thing to me. "I said, I ate him. I was really hungry, and all we had in our house for breakfast foods were Cheerios. Bleh. I HATE Cheerios."

 

"So...you decided to eat Mr. Gardner?" I asked dubiously, giving him a questioning look that he promptly returned with a "why are you questioning my authority?" glare. "I don't think he appreciated it."

 

Brian shrugged. Soon, more people arrived: this girl I barely knew, Emily, this kid I knew a bit better, Dakota, and another girl, one who looked like she was on good terms with Him.

 

Now let's just get this one thing straight: by no means was I jealous. Absolutely not. I just thought he was funny--a bit annoying, yes, but funny he was--and noticed that the girl, Jenna, was probably dating him.

 

And aren't I just so smart?

 

Mr. Gardner quickly came in, and I said, "Jesus, Mr. Gardner! How did you ever recover from Brian's rampant appetite?"

 

Mr. G took one glance at me and then at Brian, and said, "Strong immune system, I suppose."

 

Brian laughed loudly and Jenna goes, "Yeah, Brian. Couldn't you have just eaten something real for breakfast? Like pancakes or something?"

 

"Nah. Too much effort. Because that'd require having to get out the griddle, then the ingredients, then plates, then I have to stand there and wait for them, and then I actually have to eat it..."

 

I stared at him in astonishment. "Really now? The hardest part is eating it?" I sat back in my chair and waited for Mr. Gardner to start today's lesson. It took about five minutes, but eventually he did.

 

"Today we're learning the building blocks of physics, which is ironically something we do by starting with Chemistry. Now let me tell you all about the Table of Elements, a scientist's best friend..."

 

CUT TO NOW

 

"Guess who has herpes, Mr. R!" Brian says, waltzing into English while I groan and shake my head wildly as in, NO. Figures that Mr. Douchebag wouldn't get the message.

 

"Um, what?" Mr. Rogulski says, staring at Brian is confusion. Now normally I'd say "um, what" isn't exactly worthy of an English teacher's job position, but I can't really blame him: Brian did seem pretty out of his mind.

 

That is, if you weren't me.

 

"Brian, no--" I start to protest, naturally getting cut off.

 

"Katie does!" Brian says gleefully. While Mr. R looks from me to Brian to me to Brian again, I quickly say, "Not that type of herpes! It's-it's like something from getting chicken pox when I was younger, and--"

 

Brian is laughing hysterically, and I find myself wanting to strangle him to cut off his vocal cords.

 

"You, my friend," I mutter angrily under my breath to him, "Are going to be in so much trouble after school is over. You can bet on it."

 

Brian just looks at me with this goofy grin on his face and I fight the urge to smile. No. He will not get the better of me!

 

At least, not if I can help it.

 

Burning holes through his skull, I take my seat at the opposite end of the classroom, while he continues to push my buttons. "Asshole!" I say loudly, to which Mr. R, of course, gets wind of.

 

"Excuse me?" he says, a smile upturning the corners of his mouth. "Did you have something to tell the class, Katie?"

 

Brian is smirking in his seat, and it takes all my willpower not to look at him. "No, Mr. R."

 

The whole class is paying attention now, and I bury my head in my hoodie.

 

I can't do work, though-all I can do is try to avoid thinking about my feelings for Brian and his feelings for me.

 

'Cause no matter how much I might want to deny it, I like him, and he likes me.

 

Crap.

 

Whatever just happened to being friends with boys?! Just. Friends. Is there even such a thing anymore?

 

I'm not sure I know. I wonder if the line's been blurred for so long that maybe there's not even a line there anymore. It wouldn't be all that surprising.